


Brick House

by Swashbuckler



Category: DCU, DCU (Comics), The Flash (Comics)
Genre: Banter, F/M, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Mirror Universe, Shaving, Smoking, Snark, Straight Razors, Teasing, The Rogues (DCU) As Family, empty threats
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-27 12:44:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13248507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swashbuckler/pseuds/Swashbuckler
Summary: The average morning at the Rogues' house goes about as well as you'd expect.





	Brick House

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, believe it or not, this fic was tenuously inspired by the opening scene of "Muppets From Space" where all the Muppets are living in one house and it's ridiculously crowded and chaotic during the morning routine. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7MifCUPOsY) In execution the fic is....nothing like that, but I just thought it'd be a fun detail to share. 
> 
> (I can seriously see that scene being a regular occurrence in the Rogue household, though.)

“Hurry up in there! There’s a queue!” 

“Who takes this long in the bog?” Digger grumbled as Len hammered his fists against the bathroom door. Mark yawned and shrugged, shaking his head. “Ah screw waiting for him, I’m peeing in the garden,” Digger muttered, shouldering the Trickster out the way and heading downstairs. Len growled and thumped his fist again against the door as James and Mark hovered behind him.

“Oi, would you quit your fussing and let someone else in already, you prick!” he shouted through the door. There was a sharp click of the bathroom lock being turned before the door was yanked open.

“No,” Roscoe said curtly, slamming the door in Len’s face gawking face. 

“Oi!” Len shouted, hammering both his fists furiously against the door. 

“You’re fighting a losing battle, Len,” Mark yawned, scrubbing a hand through his wild hair.

“Bite me,” snapped Len. 

“I’m not Angie,” Mark countered, and - unfortunately for the Trickster - dodged Len’s swipe just in time. James doubled over, clutching his stomach.

“Not helping,” he wheezed, eyes watering. “Next time, Len, could’ya maybe find us a safehouse wi’ more’n one bathroom?” 

“Yeah, I’ll do that and get one with a plot o’ land out the back to bury somebody in!” Len snarled through the bathroom door, only for a blade to appear under his chin a second later.

“Something the matter, Lenny?” Lisa asked sweetly as her brother stumbled away from the razor in her hand. 

“What’re you doing in there with him?” Len demanded. Lisa shrugged coyly as she leant against the doorframe and admired the gleaming straight razor, thumbing a smudge of creamy foam from the blade.

“Giving Roscoe a shave.” 

“Better be a close shave,” Len growled. Lisa quirked an eyebrow at him.

“Oh, it is.”

“Hey, no, you know I didn’t mean like that!” Len glared as his sister smirked at him. When he caught the barely smothered sniggers behind him, he rounded on Mark and James. “‘N’ you two can wipe those hopeful looks off your faces an’ all!” he barked, snapping the two out of their dreamy daze. 

“Digger, help! Len’s gonna kill us!”

“Bye, boys~” Lisa wiggled her fingers in a playful little wave as Mark and James bolted down the stairs, closely pursued by Len. There was a laugh from her left. 

“Don’t know why they’re running to Digger for help,” chuckled a voice from the empty hallway. “It’s not like he wouldn’t have been drooling too.” 

“Probably because he has a contingency plan for similar situations,” Roscoe's voice called from the bathroom. 

“Probably,” Lisa agreed, ducking back into the bathroom as the hallway mirror chuckled again. There was a click and a soft fizzle as a wisp of smoke slid out of the surface of the glass which rippled as something vanished from the reflection.

“That being said,” Sam purred as he appeared in the surface of the bathroom mirror leaning his elbows on the edge of the glass, “if you could not turn my idiots into actual idiots? I quite like them thinking with their heads rather than...anything else.” He placed his cigarette between his lips and closed his eyes as he took a long drag. “Speaking of,” he said finally, smoke curling out of the mirror as he spoke, eyeing the scene before him with faux coquettishness, “not interrupting you, am I?” 

Roscoe was sat on the lid of the toilet, hands on Lisa’s hips as she stood between his legs, cradling the back of his head with one hand as she carefully slid the razor up his cheek with the other. The Top eyed Sam with distaste as he shifted and perched on the frame of the mirror, half out of the mirror as he watched the scene with interest.

“Do you have to smoke in the house?” 

The Mirror Master rolled his eyes and tapped the base of his cigarette with his thumb, dropping ash into the bathroom sink positioned below him before raising it to his lips again, taking a drag before blowing smoke over his shoulder back into the mirror without breaking eye contact with his friend. “I’m not.” 

“That is a technicality.” 

“Whatever,” Sam said with a careless wave of his hand. 

“Ignore him,” Lisa cooed. “Chin up, baby,” she said, pressing her thumb against Roscoe’s jaw which he obediently leant into. 

“‘Ignore him’?” Sam scoffed. “Lisa, I’m hurt.” 

“Good,” Lisa grinned to herself. “Because if you distract me while I’m shaving Roscoe’s neck I won’t make people ignore you, I’ll make them _forget_ you.” 

“Alright, I hear you,” Sam murmured with a smirk as he watched Lisa carefully position the razor.

“Baby, stay still, I need to get this last bit.”

“I trust you, my love,” Roscoe murmured, breathing carefully through his nose as the cold razor was pressed to the base of his throat. 

Lisa slowly slid the razor up from beneath Roscoe's Adam's apple to the tender skin beneath his skin , leaving a clean path in its wake. She repositioned the blade next to the freshly shaved strip of skin and did the same again, her eyes not leaving the razor. "There," she purred. "All done."

“Ooo la la,” drawled Sam, impressed. “I see our golden girl is as good with a blade in her hand as she is the blades on her feet.” 

“You doubted me, Sam?” Lisa asked coyly as she wiped the razor off with a washcloth. 

“As if I’d dare.” 

Lisa winked at him before turning elegantly to whip a towel off of the radiator. She caught it in both hands and, with a coy little smile, cradled her boyfriend’s face with it, patting his cheeks and neck clean. 

“That’s better~” she cooed. “No more stubbly kisses.” She giggled as she squeezed Roscoe’s cheeks together between her hands, forcing his face into a pout.

“I’m not sure,” Roscoe mumbled, unfazed by Lisa’s playing. “I think we need to test that.” 

Sam made an exasperated noise as Lisa squealed, eagerly wrapping herself around Roscoe as he pulled her in for a kiss. “Kids these days,” he tutted, shaking his head in amusement. 

A whistle from outside made Sam look towards the door. The lock clicked and the door promptly swung open as a groggy-looking Piper trudged in, lowering his fingers from his lips. He ignored Lisa practically climbing onto Roscoe’s lap in favour of picking his toothbrush out of the pot and squeezing toothpaste onto it. Halfway through brushing his teeth the Piper frowned at the tap and peered up at the man leaning out of the mirror opposite him. He nodded at him once, and continued as if Sam wasn't there, staring dazedly at the tap.

“Morning,” Sam said, bemused as Piper spat into the sink below him and rinsed his mouth out. Piper raised a couple of fingers in a half-hearted wave and grunted quietly.

“M’nin’,” he mumbled, before shuffling out again.

Sam chuckled as Piper shut the door behind him. “Bless,” he drawled. “Right, if Piper’s up that means Mick must be cooking breakfast by now.”

A muffled “Piper’s up?” was asked by one of the pair tangled around each other on the other side of the bathroom. 

“‘You guys are so smart, how do you get caught by the Flash all the time?’” Sam asked in a nasal whine as he tapped more ash into the sink below him. He sat watching Roscoe and Lisa for a moment, frowning to himself, before shaking his head with a sigh. “Are you two coming down for breakfast?” 

“Gi’s fi’ min’s,” one of the pair mumbled.

“Ten min’s,” mumbled the other one.

Sam rolled his eyes. “Alright, but if the bacon’s gone by the time you two surface, that’s your fault,” he said casually, pushing himself off of the mirror ledge, waving them off with a casual flick of cigarette smoke as he disappeared into the mirror.

“‘Kay.”

**Author's Note:**

> Two fics finished in two days? Is this going to be the norm for 2018, a fic posted every day?
> 
> Definitely not, but we can dream, right?
> 
> Update: A massive thank you to PoorlyMadeSockPuppet on tumblr who drew fanart inspired by this fic! :'D You should all go and check out her work because her style is super fun and full of character (and she is lovely too)!
> 
> https://poorlymadesockpuppet.tumblr.com/post/169819706696/some-doodles-inspired-by-one-of-littleratqueen-s


End file.
